MAMA LESSONS: On Judgment

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"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."

Carl Jung

This natural human tendency has always plagued me. When we judge others' personality traits and image, what does that state about us as a being? As a young person, I have always felt judged. To some youth translates into lack of intelligence. I find that to be quite silly considering I am a highly educated, well rounded person who also believes I am intelligent because I acknowledge that youth actually translates into vitality, a thirst for knowledge and openness. As a young mother, I have always been overwhelmed by judgment passed on me by older mothers and folk. My ability to mother seems to have always been shrouded by the unwelcome advice of those who feel they have or could do a better job, although my children are a testament to the amazing job I am doing. As a young stylish mother, I have been judged by others as well, as my style again is youthful, purposeful, and unlike the world's "image of mother".

Admittedly, I too have fallen to the judging of others in my youth. But after having those prejudices broken by the amazingness of the individual whom I previously wrote off, I discovered what is the importance in banishing that evil act from my life: humanity. We are all people who have acquired experiences that have shaped our ideas. We are all still on our journeys and we are all still acquiring experience that will shape our paths.

My experience with love, loss, abuse of the powerless, defined hierarchies, education, others and culture, truly has shaped me. It is my hope that one's experience with me will shape theirs. I hope to break their judgments in continuing to be me.

But that begs the question: how does one survive the harshest judgment of all, the judgment of ourselves?

Judge not lest you be judged.

We condemn in others what we fear in ourselves.

Blame is a projection of guilt.

My loves, you are amazing individuals. Your choices may not always be right but they are your choices. Ultimately, learn from the consequences of these choices. That education and experience adds to the colourful quilt that is your life. The images of what you are supposed to be in our mainstream culture are just that: images - IMAGINARY. You are amazing. You are unique. You deserve no judgment. You are not to be compared.

Now, it is difficult to rid negative judgment from your life. It is not an easy task. Encounters with any person will shape a frame of reference when judging the next person who fits into this box which your mind has created. You must LISTEN...for in their words is their story. You must WATCH...for in their actions is their character. You must BE...for in their presence you will see.

xoxox

The Mama