Dear Eldest Babe

On completing your 4th revolution around the sun....

You are magnificent and have opened my world and eyes to the blessedness and wonder of childhood.
Your sweetness and reminders of my amazingness propel me to improve and be the best Mama I can be.
Your frustration with change affects us both greatly.  I feel your fears and pain and it hurts me deeply when you worry.

It is difficult for me to understand at times the differences that exist between us but I relish in those differences as well for you are "a different girl" as you like to say.

Your unintentional humour gets me every time as well as your attention to detail.

Those that you have allowed to enter your circle, you are explicitly engaged and sweet too.  Sharing may be a bit of a difficult task but sharing yourself, stories and childhood treasures excites you.

There are moments I look into your big blues and quietly remember your baby self, but the girl that hugs me and chats with me today is a reminder of how precious and life-altering your life has been and I look forward to this next year of growth between us.   I love you deeply and promise to not judge you during all your little stages.


Your Mama

Babe Phrase of the Moment

After kicking the soccer ball once at practice:
"Well I guess I don't like soccer."

The Papa then prompted her to tell what she did like:
"Dancing.  Eating.  And Being Still."

31 Week Baby Bump, Return to the Blogosphere and Update

Several weeks ago I posted that the end to the blog might be on the horizon.  I have been extremely uncomfortable and sick during this pregnancy.  It has led to a feeling of uselessness and sadness.  Most evenings I can't participate in family things.  The kitchen is no longer a place for me for standing too long pains my legs.  I feel guilty that the Papa has had to take on more than his share to help me get through this journey.  He is oh so sweet and accepting of the issues I've been having and I couldn't be more thankful or blessed.

I've been staying away from the blogosphere in general.  No longer do I follow my fave sites with enthusiasm but rather a hint of jealousy.  It seems as though they are relishing in so much life while I am forced to watch from the sidelines.

But two weekends ago, we celebrated the Eldest Babe's Fourth Revolution Around the Sun.  Her amazingness and the joy which she has added to my life was reiterated as she relished in the sun on the day that was special to her.  She created so much love and change and positivity in my life and propelled me to document her beingness.  How could I stop presenting to the world my thoughts on her existence and her expression of that existence?

So hence, I am yet again propelled to share the Mess in Messenger story.  I am working hard at changing a lot of things in my life to make it full of positivity, efficiency and joy.  And even though this pregnancy (not the littlest of Babes inside of me) has gotten me down, I promise to face the day with more fervour and openness...and documentation...hehehe.

As for the Update as to What has been Happening in our Little Abode:

*  the heat has gotten to us and left the Babes fairly sick with a trip to emergency
*  the Eldest Babe loved her birthday and the worry that accompanied turning 4 has dissipated.  She is a warmer, gentler girl ... one that truly adores her dresses
*  the Littlest Babe is emerging as a clown, such a positive spirit
* we spent two weekends away...one at Sandbanks Provincial Park - camping with family...and the other with childhood friends of the Papa in Gatineau.  She and I are both pregnant and ready to pop.
*  my desire to prepare for Babe has been overwhelming and motivational.  I am working on cleansing our home of unwanted items for sale, consignment, giveaway and garbage.  My lovely friend Kelly gave us cloth diapers & a car seat which we discovered won't fit in the car...which brings me to the fact that we need to figure out a car seat situation pronto
*  obsessed with food shows and food beautifying
*  thinking about returning to veganism (strict) after this pregnancy
*  wrapping my head around the labour and am hoping our littlest of Babes is healthy and that she would stop pushing her butt up into my ribs


The Mama


28 Week Baby Bump - Third Trimester

We have been a bit busy lately, the Papa more so than I.  We have really interesting news on the job front which I will save for a later post but it is a magnificent opportunity for the Papa and our expanding family.

The past week we spent three days in the city while the Papa trained in the evenings.  I found it really relaxing actually.  I missed the bustle of city life, my old life and the plethora of things to do.  Driving everywhere to do things and get anywhere really weighs on me, not only for the environmental aspect but the time lost in transit.  I find it quite icky.  I love walking and biking everywhere and have since the Papa and I have been together.

It was great to just take the Babes to the park, out for Gelato, to an amazing neighbourhood (Westboro) where I grew up.  We ran into old friends, purchased a Nut Case for the Littlest Babe and birthday presents for the Eldest Babe.  I got to talk everyday to our dear friends which really lit up my life.  Plus I got to indulge in a little cable television...a luxury we don't have here by choice.

All in all, it has made deciding where to live that much harder.  I want to want to be this blissful, frolic in the woods person, but commuting is such a turn off.  I was exposed to so many cultural and social differences in the city that we fear are lost in small town life.  So if it is something we choose we are going to have to work harder to expose our children to different people and perspectives.  It really ways on me because I truly am the deciding factor.  The Papa has told me that he just wants me happy and he really can be content anywhere.  But being a stay at home mama where my office is the home, my thoughts play a huge role in our decision.  It is funny how our complementary personalities have worked so well in our relationship but also can effect the ultimate thing on where to live.  Luckily I have the most supportive partner.

So let me just rant about the amazingness of the Papa for a bit:

-  he lets me sleep even though he is exhausted from caring for the Babes
-  he prepares them breakfast and dinner lately because I cannot stand for too long during the day and always have the urge to vomit
-  he takes the Babes out while I get to read a book or craft
-  he lets me blather on and on about the inner workings of my mind and never expects me to apologize.  he indulges me
-  he makes my heart flutter with his simple kindness and sweetness
-  he puts in a labour intensive day lifting and cutting stone only to come home and play with the Babes

I could go on and on but I really should just end on a pregnancy update:

*  The Littlest of Babes moves so much.  Her head is right down, which probably accounts for me feeling though I am about to give birth.
*  Chronic headaches are subsiding but there were a couple days there when I had continuous tightening and sharp pain.  My midwife assures it is ligaments but they remind me of childbirth.
*  we need to start prepping for babe...SERIOUSLY!!!..I am forgetting mostly about the decor of the room and concentrating on necessities - car seat, homebirth materials, clothing, infant insert for sling, daybed purchase.
*  I can't really chase the Babes any more or push them on the swing.  They can get quite upset sometimes.


The Mama