I don't make apologies for anything, especially my values and the way I raise my children. It seems through the grapevine, a very short one in this small town it seems, that I offended certain people with a particular statement. I am not going to clarify at all on the worldwide web, a forum for free speech that is available for everyone to view. Yes! You may be surprised that I know that fact. Anyone can read what I write. Anyone is also free to comment. And if you comment or are offended I will address you. Not so into random clicks on facebook by offended people I don't know who discuss me in private and stew in anger towards me.

For those of you who are my friends, most of you meat-eating, Disney watching, pink for girls and blue for boys (although I am into putting pink on my girls because it is originally a colour representing strength and I am taking it back), you know I love all parts of you. I also know that you know definitely about my family background, my life experiences, my values and my views on the world. I find it quite amusing how I have been praised for speaking my mind, yet when I do and it offends you, you sit back, open no avenue for debate and judge me.

I don't lead a life in false friendships or relationships. I however, take great offence to people who I have become friends with avoiding discussion about something that may have offended them. It seems that I have presented possibly i-am-sitting-from-my-ivory-tower-judging image.

I have been keeping this blog for 3 years, literally from the moments Charlotte first entered the world. It is a blog that is meant to be shared with family and friends. I have only kept it open to the "public" per se because I am also a trained Doula and have offered many of my trained views. I also come from the world of media and communications. I have been highly trained in these areas and have intelligent views on how to communicate, how to mediate, how to approach a world of mixed messages and come out unscathed.

I never understood the talking amongst others and not approaching them. I have constantly encountered this through most of my life. The people who continue to support me. I thank you. You know who you are but I feel I must mention a few: El and John for loving the Earth, my girls and me. Tonya and Dusan who are raising a beautiful Zari who is fearless, wonderful, and ethereal. Mom and Dad for loving me for loving their son. My Alyssa, the godmother to my children. My sister for knowing the true me...all parts...and loving me anyway.

I refuse to close this blog or keep it password protected because of some who may be offended. Please before you pass the same judgment on me that you feel I am passing on you, ask why you feel the way you do? Think about who you may think I am. If you don't, ask me. You may be surprised about what you don't know about me. And if you don't like me or the blog or my girls. Spend your time clicking elsewhere.


The Mama, still, forever, loving

P.S. I can't stop thinking about you El and you Tonya. I love you muchly...you know why



A week ago I lay with my Babe to put her to sleep for a night of dreams. Our eyes locked as I stroked her curly locks and she sucked her thumb. I asked her about September's prospect of going to school. She said that rather than go to school where the big kids would knock her around she wanted to stay with me forever. My heart broke and subsequently, I could not go to sleep. I spent all night with the Papa talking about how precious our little orchid is.

I must admit that I have had some selfish reservations about school. Firstly, Charlotte has never been alone with anyone besides me, the Mama, and her grandparents. Secondly, I have never been alone without Charlotte for a full 24 hours. We have spent everyday together since birth. For me to now just hand over to a room full of strangers who don't know every inch of her specialness seems very wrong to me. I know, I know! Some people are saying "just do it! She will adjust quickly. This will help socialize her. It will give you a break."

I have never been one to listen to other people with regards to my children. If I had, I would of ended up giving birth to her by cesarean in a hospital shoving formula into her for four months until I went back to work, as per my mother's suggestion. Since she was born I have always felt an overwhelming sensation to protect, bond, love, teach and nurture this being solely (with the help of The Papa, the G-units (grandpa and ma), and the Earth). Yes, the vision that I have for my daughter's future is a strong reflection of my ideals. I don't believe that she alone can change the world, but I believe her spirit could lead others to work towards that positive change. I want her to love the Earth, embrace knowledge, respect herself, never be bullied, value family, eat vegan food and live in a handmade world. I don't want her to fear the world or feel disempowered.

The school that we had decided to send her to after almost half-a-year's contemplation, practices the Montessori philosophy. And while I embrace a lot of their structured approaches, I do not embrace the barbaric and overbearing educator who was to be side-by-side with my daughter for her learning days. This particular educator fails to exude any warmth and I have been told on many occasions of her attempt to belittle the children, disengage from connectedness and insight fear.

At this point, we are not too keen on other school systems either. The prospect of sending a vegan shy orchid child to a full-day school in the Ontario public system is literally throwing her to the wolves. The Waldorf school most aligns with our views of the world and our love of European education.

Homeschooling, at least until the age of entering Grade 1 or the age at which she could attend Kingston's Waldorf school, is the plan. This ultimately means for me a great sacrifice but an even greater responsibility. In September I was going to embark on a 365 day challenge of incorporating Earth-Motherness into our family. The blog was going to chronicle the happenings. However, for the rest of the summer I have decided to spend my time scheduling, researching and compiling a curriculum for Charlotte that combines all things that would enrich her life and express our values.

Please keep a watch as we journey. And please if you have any links, ideas, resources, send them my way.


The Mama



Charlotte (or should I say Charlie, as per your preference):

As you slept soundly in your bedroom of wonder and dreams, I snuck away to a secret place. Hidden away in my closet is a box full of photos of your smile, laugh, character. It is not too often that I am compelled to go to that place, for I am so in love with your presence. But on the eve of your third revolution around the sun, I yearned to see that baby face. You see, every moment captured on film or stored away in my memory has led to the creation of the being that graces our everyday.

The pudgy little Char-latte grew into a girl full of questions, wonderment, joy, playfulness, independence and utter expression of love. The few moments that The Papa and I spend together are so blessed. THE MOMENTS ARE TALKS OF YOU. And while you may in the future find it disrespectful to talk about you not in your presence, the talks are of our amazement and love. Your relationship with a sister not always willing to participate, has blossomed. We see tender touches and kind words to your "sweety". You offer her care and love and kisses. She is your best friend. When in situations where another may invade her precious space, you are quick to intervene. Never forcefully mind you. You simply put your arms around her and ask her if she is okay, as if to say "she's mine, so better back away."

You are an orchid my love, taking a little longer than most to bloom. Never rushed by others, you have always felt confident to take your time. You often spend hours working on "projects", ripping paper, reading or drawing. The friends you have are few and are held close to your heart. You value your relationship with Zari and your words are always kind. When trust is established your little soul soars and others I believe are honoured.

As you grow, so to will our relationship. I look forward to entrusting you with myself and loving you unconditionally, eternally. Writing this post is bittersweet for me as I learn to let go of the baby girl I will always know, but embrace the growth of a girl that will continue.

My love...you truly are my life. Your birth truly was the birth of my life, a birth of my sense of self.

So on this day, let me impart these wishes to you:

I wish for you to have the strength to maintain your thoughts and express them
I wish for you to trust yourself wholly
I wish for you to be all that you are and never apologize
I wish for you to continue to experience love from others and more importantly yourself
I wish for you a clean earth and a world devoted to respect
I wish for you food that nourishes
I wish for you moments of peace


The Mama