Acquiring Minds

I am not one to spend money foolishly.  We have been pretty good with our money, which often leaves many bewildered as how we can afford our lifestyle, the one where I am a stay-at-home Mama of three Babes.  We do without a lot.  We make a lot of our own food, we get almost everything used or from Consignment shops.  We acquire library books instead of purchasing them.  At birthdays and celebrations, we celebrate with each other instead of mountains of gifts. We don't have cable or crazy cellphones.  We had to miss out on a family trip because we just didn't have the moola.  Our hardest decision to date.

It is also easy in some ways in that the restrictions leave us creative, enjoying it each other's company and our children aren't possessed with a desire to want, want, want because we don't give, give, give and only get what we need, need, need.

So, after having been denied a mortgage lending amount that we desired, we made a new decision (that we are keeping to ourselves - sorry, I don't like secrets but for this one you'll have to wait and see) and another decision to splurge on some items.  Firstly, for 5 years we have been sleeping on a mattress on the floor.  I love the height but not the size and I'm kind of over sleeping like a college student.  When we bed-shared with the girls, it was the perfect height.  But now, a queen can't just accommodate all of us.  This past weekend we went to the local furniture store, purchased the KING!!, and then we ordered a Rustic Inspired King Bed Frame that will be made for late March.

Further purchases of mine included:

 A Moon Calendar

An apothecary Course to learn how to heal my family and community naturally

My friend Kelli's print

Sweaters to Nurse easily from

Must admit that I am a sucker for the Sally Anne and I left today with:

two over-sized sweaters (one with reindeer :), ceramic Santa's Workshop to paint with Sparkles, Wooden Jewellery box for the Babes to put treasures in, a toddler sized hand knit sweater, a mint blanket and pillow for littlest Babe, pink yarn and a heart dress for Eldest Babe

xoxo The Mama

WELLNESS JOURNEY: Thoughts on Physicality and Defeat

Many things have been entering my mind lately, but mostly discouragement dominates them.  Stomach issues have been plaguing me for over a decade.  It seems as though the issues began with the realization that my upbringing was far from normal and that I could not physically leave the situation (my early teens).  There was a huge amount of stress placed on me and I am sure that affected my irritability and digestion.  When stressed, anxious or depressed,  my stomach is in pain.  It has been so frustrating to go through numerous cleanses and food restrictions to determine the culprit.  And as a lover of food, I have had to say no or just indulge because I know the end result anyway and I would rather have fun.

For several years in university I followed a macrobiotic diet and it was so invigorating.  I felt my healthiest.  Problem is it requires a lot of self-discipline, which when you have three children and limited time, fails you.

Since having the Littlest of Babes, I have attempted to find that balance but again my digestion fails me.    I have started once again working out at the gym but because I constantly have knots in my belly, my workouts are difficult and leave me defeated.  Being physically fit is so important to my life and the Papa's for being physical puts so many happy feelings in me that it benefits all aspects of our life.  I have always been really active (that has waned a lot since having the girls due to me WANTING to spend time with the family rather than jog).  Not being able to flex, lift and run as I used to is just difficult to come to terms with.

Hence, I am going to do several things

• Pay more close attention to eating certain foods and how they affect me
• Eat more closely to my dosha and follow a more Vatta-pacifying regime that excludes my drug of choice:  COFFEE
• Stay away from dairy
• Eat more whole and try a low FODMAP diet

Reading Perfect Health by Deepak Chopra has been so enlightening and I truly believe the mind-body connection plays a huge role in my physical health.  Wellness journey continues...

xoxox

The Mama

To My Alyssa on her Birth Day

WELLNESS JOURNEY: Day 4: My Personal Identity

This exploration couldn't have come at a better time.  The physical cleansing has failed and today I am not unmotivated but tired after staying up with a teething babe and taking the girls to playgroup and feeling totally defeated.  The stimulation was too much, the crowd was huge and not-necessarily inviting, I couldn't make sense of my thoughts, the Littlest of Babes refused to nurse and the Eldest of Babes got kicked in the head.  My girls are my world and I felt like they were being bombarded today.  All Babes were out of sorts and I was anxious.  Not to mention that I have not seen my best friend the Papa in two days, my neck and stomach are in pain, and the career path that I would like to pursue seems difficult to attain...That being said....

How I Perceive Others View Me 

I truly hope that others think well of me.  Certain things get lost in my role as stay-at-home mama, like for instance, my educational background or the fact that I desire to be a lifelong learner, maybe even my athleticism or nerdy-ness, or the simple fact that I was a person before my kids.  Honestly, I don't know.  I wish I did.  As the Papa, can attest to, I can read people extremely well.  So if you are judging me or others, I'm onto you.  If you are out of sorts, I am there to help.  But once you pass judgment on me, I am pretty much done.  I don't waste my time.

In general, I think that maybe people confuse my youth with a lack of experience and intelligence.  My intelligence is what I value the most, so when it isn't acknowledged or overlooked, I get upset.  Some people (shall I say older, insecure women) blatantly ignore me because of this perceived youth (let me tell ya - my daughter's are my first true experience with childhood and they are wiser than some adults I know).

My exterior may portray this earth mama vibe and got it all togetherness.  And that is what I hope to portray.  Generally I am, but it is something that I have worked hard for.

How do you perceive me, followers and friends?  Because you are the only opinions that matter.

How I View Myself

MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER,MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHERMOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER,MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER,MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER, MOTHER

WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE,WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE,WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE,WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE,WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE, WIFE,

(my two important roles)

dreamer, lover of vintage, saver of the planet, empathetic, friend, family, intelligent, shy, spy quality, doula, dancer, attentive to detail, best gift getter, mind reader, psychologist, baker, good cook, lifelong learner, reader, knitter, crafter, artist, inspired, inspirational, athletic, mind-racing, love chasing, earthy, digital,

more can be found here.

Today, as you may tell, this post and my mind are discombobulated.  The cleanse was a failure and I am truly feeling ill.  To better days and soul searching

The Mama

xoxox

WELLNESS JOURNEY: Day 3. Friends

Today I must admit that the physical cleanse was obliterated.  I was feeling so confident that I thought that me actively deciding to indulge slightly would be okay.  But I quickly discovered that my body didn't take well to the tiny bit of coffee and chocolate.  My mind was racing and stomach aching.  A slight bit of defeat hit me. So, admittedly, I am back on the full physical cleanse...AGAIN!  I am hoping to actually make it the full 7 days again, starting tomorrow.

Friendships Past:

My soul is old and heart easily broken.  Trust for me has always been difficult to gain.  So as a child I was quite guarded and shy.  As a young girl, I invested a lot of energy into one relationship.  From my perspective she was my best friend and only friend.  For some reason as a child you hear the word's best friend and it is a title that you are envious of.  To have that one person, you feel as though you conquered the world.  However, reality hit me hard when at this particular girl's birthday party, a girl who saw me grow from a 4 year old to almost teenager, announced that I actually wasn't her best friend and in fact not really a friend at all. (I fell asleep and the rest of the girls thought I was asleep and teased me the whole time).  I know that this is well into the past, but it affected me.  My entire little world crumbled and I felt completely disowned at home and on the playground.

In highschool, my shyness persisted.  For weeks I kept to myself and opened up to one girl, Miriam.  She was really high spirited and artistic dramatically.  I loved her energy.  Then my grandfather died.  My father came to get me at school and I remember being ushered through a full library in a full on mental breakdown.  I must have been frightening.  The days following I detested school and was in a painful mourning.  But guess who showed up to visit me and pay respects to a man she didn't even know:  Miriam!  It amazed me and solidified our friendship.  She became one of the only people I confided in.  She was actually the first person I revealed my abuse to.  She was the first person I trusted.  A beauty, selfless, intelligent, linguistic genius.

As highschool unfortunately dragged on, we were torn apart by new friends and relationships.  I feel like I never fully expressed my love for her and importance.  But she was pivotal.  Another two girls I became deeply in friendship love with, to the point that my world revolved and evolved around them.  However, as is the trend, after 14 years of friendship with one, I discovered she had been habitually lying to me, and the other actually broke into my bank account and drained me.

Dreaded highschool ended and I decided to attend a school where very few of my classmates were heading.  I desired new experiences and relationships untainted by my past.  It was awesome!  I met an amazing girl the first week and we became close friends, the best of friends.  Unfortunately, my depression and desire to break out of my shell on more than one occasion affected our relationship and it ended, much to my sadness.  We had also had several mutual friends which also decided to end friendships with me.  Now those I can honestly say came out of the blue.  There never was an issue with these girls, or so I thought.  I believed I was an attentive friend (I usually am the listener) and I was quite guarded.  So when I received a barrage of emails essentially breaking up with me full of hate, anger, non-responsiveness and insults, I was taken aback and never really recovered.  Some of the comments from those emails still linger with me to this day and have affected me and have led to an over-analysis and constant critique of myself when making new friends.

I am the common denominator in these relationships.  Hence, is it my fault?  Truly, this plagues me and haunts me.  Generally I feel unlovable by others because of these failures.  Or maybe they are just part of the journey and not failures at all.  Maybe they didn't succeed because they opened my heart to true friendships with an amazing god mother to my children, two Australian Earth Mamas, a blissful Christine, and a crafty thrifty Mama of two.  The "failures" pushed me towards one of my most successful relationships full of unconditional love, understanding and respect with the Papa, my true best friend.

There are those people with relationships that have lasted a lifetime.  It is oh-so desirable, but obviously not a reality with me.  Let it go! Acknowledge the teachings.  Move forward to those who are accepting and willing.

My heart may be a little tattered but I am positive.  I plan to:

• nurture the relationships I have established, although my time is a bit thin lately
• keep my heart open to new explorations
• take the negative experiences with the past and frame them as positive and move forward
• stop expending energy on those people who have decided not to be a friend with me for one reason or another

Love thyself and others will love you.

xoxox

The Mama

WELLNESS JOURNEY: Cleanse Day 2 and Thinking of the Future

Before I begin this post I would just like to comment on the Past post.  I only realized after writing that I was going to a dark and vulnerable place that may shock or worry some about my well being.  I am totally fine.  The purpose of this documentation is to cleanse my soul.  Also, in no way do I feel victimized or play that role.  I live with honesty and integrity and would never want anyone to feel sorry for that which I have accepted as part of my journey and contributed to my strength.  So moving forward......



The Future

The physical cleanse is going well and seems to be working well for the Littlest of Babes as well.  It seems as though my feelings are mimicked in her body.  When I feel bunged up, so does she.  Yesterday I began the cleanse and it seemed she did as well.  She hadn't pooed (okay for those non-moms this may sound weird to talk about but us Mamas do) in literally 4 days.  And as I began the cleanse, so did she.  I spent over an hour in the night and today massaging her tummy and she expelled so much that had been stuck inside.

Mentally, I am moving forward putting the past behind and today I look to the future.  At a time in my life the future was all I thought about.  As a child, with little money and hoping for rescue, I would spend hours upon hours watching home improvement shows and circling furniture in the Sears catalogue for the future home of happiness I was to have.  Endless hours were spent in my mind designing the future which I desired:  mama, married, educated, house to call my own.  Unfortunately, concentrating on those dreams left me empty in the present and clawing away from my past.  It held me back from meaningful relationships because I didn't want to put energy into something I felt didn't fit in with the idea I constructed.

When I fell in love with the Papa and our future seemed very strong.  It was and is.  We dream about the same things.  In fact, we spent a lot of our time together dreaming of our lives.  Ask the G-units.  Our summer weekends at the cottage were spent biking down country roads and looking for interesting heritage properties to purchase.  We talked about opening a vegan diner specializing in Pancakes.  We talked about moving to the other side of the country to pursue a trade.  We were to be explorers.  Then the Eldest of Babes arrived...

And funnily, our dreams shifted slightly.  Distant moves were no longer a true option because we loved being around our family.  Change has never slighted us in the slightest (hehehe).  But we realized there was something about dreams that was perturbing and causing contention:  they weren't reality.

And funnily enough, the arrival of Babes puts the Future into an entirely different perspective:  You are responsible for moulding the futures of pure beings.

So when I sat with the Papa tonight, after those pure beings headed to bed, I asked him where the Future lay.  His response:

With me.

The dream of building our own home or living in a heritage one.  Me pursuing further education in several years.  Homeschooling our girls until giving them the choice to enter high school.  Living environmentally soundly.  Biking.  Travelling.  Creating Memories.

Simple.  Uncomplicated.  Lovely.

As for those Babes, each day images of there future pop into my head.  It is only once you become a Mama can you comprehend the worry of a parent, and understand how you could have worried your own.  You worry about you being the sole caregiver and teacher and that affect.  You wonder if they will find love in themselves and be unaffected by the hurt of others.  You wonder if they will succeed your failures and hope that they do.  But my Babes are truly amazing!  They are wiser than I, pure, good hearted, intelligent, individual beings.  Trust them! I whisper to myself.  And, more often than not, I do.  Trust them to explore their emotions, bodies and minds and that your guidance and their intuition and intelligence will lead them to happiness and wellness.  Trust them to have their own journey.

As for our Earth, our true Mama, our giver of life, light and warmth, I truly hope that you will find peace and we as citizens, act responsibly and speedily to mend your broken heart and shell.  I love you deeply and all your creatures.

So, tonight I will look forward to the future but not be held captive by it.  Sweet dreams.

xoxox

The Mama

dream catcher

WELLNESS JOURNEY: Day 1 - Cleanse and Addressing the Past

Today I begin a 7 day Cleanse.  Last evening I began to get into cleanse mode by initiating the first family yoga session.  It was amazing to bring us all together as a family and a centred-ness to our day.  The Biggest Little Babe was amazing and kept repeating "downward dog".  The Eldest Babe gave up easily but was encouraging as we all attempted our sun salutations and chair poses.  It was difficult and I am feeling it today.  Hence, today I will not attempt the yoga again.  My dearest sister El, gave me a book to read as a wonderful birthday present.  She is pursuing a career in Yoga Teaching and has years of meditative experience.  I had expressed an interest in a Mind and Body cleanse.  Last evening I began to read.  Thus far it has been really inspirational and amazingly transformative.  There is a strong belief inside of me that energy can neither be created nor destroyed, but rather flows.  Perfect Health:  The Mind/Body Guide addresses wholly my belief and focuses on Ayurveda ("the knowledge of a long life").  My goal is to live in perfect health.

Through a simple questionnaire, I discovered my dominant dosha or "bodily humour" (VATA) and that I am a two-dosha type of VATA-PITTA.  Knowing this simple body type, I can better understand how my body responds to certain things and adjust my diet or mental being to alter the dominance and work towards balance.  VATA is a powerful dosha and I am not surprised that I have a dosha that is very intense.  But now I must use this knowledge to my advantage. The journey begins and continues.

The first 24 hours of the eating cleanse have been a bit difficult.  There were moments when making the girls certain foods that I wanted to sneak in and taste but the restrict regimented food schedule I have designed for the week, doesn't allow.

My Sample Menu is as follows:

Morning Herbal Tea (today lemon ginger)
Snack of Smoothie
A lunch of a vegetable wrap
A dinner of miso soup
Lots of water

I have allowed myself computer time at the end of the day, although today I cheated and went for a small bit during the day.  It was fine because it wasn't at all consuming or distracting.  There are times when I find one interesting thing (completely relative) and it leads me to another interesting thing and then I am no longer looking for what I began and I have created 3 new Pinterest Boards.  It is amazing how technology shapes a lot of our daily activities.  My goal is to move away from that.

The Past Exploration:

It is the evening now, and my Babes are heading to bed.  So I begin, with warm Miso soup in my belly and analyzing my mind, that I begin the Mental Cleanse.  Today's issue is "Past".  Our pasts can prevent us from living in our present.  An abusive past has prevented me from being fully free as an adult and ever experiencing childhood fully.  Trust in people was lost.  My heart became closed and guarded and to some degree still is.  As a child, I was often afraid and embarrassed to invite people into my life.  There existed a fear that if they discovered the embarrassing truth about my alcoholic father, they would lose all interest in me.  I began to become consumed with school and creating a perfect image of self that would distract others from "the truth".  I excelled at school, played every sport, was artistic and a nerd.  I consumed myself with dieting.  Very rarely did I eat because 1.  I literally didn't have the time because I was so obsessed with maintaining an almost perfect average in school. 2.  I chose not to.

To my abuser, who called on my birthday, drunk and blamed me for ignoring you for almost a decade.
To my abuser, who stripped my childhood away from me and closed my heart to experience and love.
To my abuser, who hurt the people I love most and ruined our relationships with each other:

I cannot stand you.  I do not want you in my life.  I have a vague understanding and a forgiveness for your control over me.  But I am now in control of my own life and I will never forget you stripping me of my innocence and trust.

For so long I wanted to vocalize that to others but I felt guilty.  Through this exploration I am letting go of that guilt which was placed upon me.  I have done nothing wrong. 

Highschool was the most bitter of years for me.  Firstly, I had to hide a serious abuse that existed at home.  The details are shocking.  All I remember being in school was a sad, depressed, angry and resentful being.  The depression stemmed from wanting to escape a horrid life, but fearing being left alone.  I felt also that the curriculum and school was holding me back.  Several teachers became confidants and amazingly inspiring but I always wondered if they knew.  I mean a 16 year old girl placing an intense pressure on herself, confiding in adults, sad, depressed, covered in bruises and broken, and also scheduling guidance appointments herself?  Did this not tip anyone off that something was off?  And if it was, why did an adult not step in?

Inside there remains a guilt about the moodiness at this time.  For the friends I have hurt, through watching my sadness, and became an emotional crutch to.  I apologize.  Please forgive me.

But to those who intentionally hurt me:  I was never susceptible to bullying.  There was a naivete that could have made me oblivious to it.  When someone was teasing me, I didn't understand their hate and just wanted to be friends.  There were two particular people who tried their best to make my life a living hell by spreading rumours and hate about me.  Sad thing is one of these people, I still tried to be friends with as an adult because I truly wanted to believe there is some good in her.  But she is the same old, same old person...you know, the one who wants to know what is going on in your life so she can see if she is comparatively succeeding.  I invested a lot of energy into pleasing her.  Why?

To my university self:

I regret letting depression get in the way of experience.
I regret losing friendships because of a lack of understanding in myself and an immaturity.
I regret the program that I took.  Degree in hand, I still need more.

I loved exploring myself as an independent person.
I loved the friendship I made with a girl named Amy who showed me what confidence was and instilled confidence in me, although I was still working on accepting myself.
I loved being.

Please those who I have hurt in anyway (including myself):

Forgive me for my misguidance.  You are and were a part of my journey for a reason, and my intentions were never to hurt in any way.  A deep sadness has at times clouded my judgment.

xoxox

The Honest Mama

Magical Mamas

When one becomes a Mama, there seems to be a nervousness.  Will I connect with other Mamas?  Are there Mamas who share the same views as I?  If a Mama clique exists, will I be welcomed?  For me all these questions existed.  At first I was very hesitant to engage with other Mamas.  I was young and, maybe paranoid, but I felt as though the older moms in the neighbourhood weren't open to me and passing judgments.  It was beneficial however, because the Eldest Babe and I developed a strong connection and a rhythm to our lives that was unaffected by others.  It was us against the world.

Soon we discovered we were expecting our Biggest Little / Littlest Big Babe and with her arrival and move to a new city, I desperately tried to make connections with other Mamas, to no avail.  To make matters difficult, there was a language and cultural barrier:  I didn't speak French and, at least in our neighbourhood, most of the parents sent their babes and toddlers to daycare, which meant no Stay at Home Mamas....until my first Magical Mama.

Maybe we were lone rangers, the English and Earthy Stay at Home Mama with nature and protection surrounding our hearts, but our eyes met bringing together our inner selves and we connected.  There was an understanding, a deep love and connection.  We spent our days laughing and frolicking in the Parks and just wanting to be each other.  Then, due to financial reasons and a change of careers, we left and parted ways.  She too, several months later, left our meeting place to follow her heart and dwell in the mountains and frolic with her fairy daughters (Hayles - I love you!).

For months after we moved I felt disjointed.  This was the first Magical Mama I encountered.  Could it be the only?  Months seemed to drag on in our small town.  I found myself going to playgroups, not necessarily for my Babes, but to find a connection.  Desperation overcame me.  I am naturally an inclusive person and smile and try to be positive with everyone.  And although most were pleasant with me, the majority were exclusive.  Grandiose efforts were not reciprocated.

But, as if by design, Magical Mamas, at a time when I felt the most disconnected from my life, arrived.  For those of you who have yet to be blessed by such wonder, let me describe:

selfless fairies who are strong in their convictions, permeate a beauty like no other, a beauty that they may even be blind too.  They hug with such love and are beings that your own children gravitate to and light up upon seeing.  You feel like just by being in their presence and having them in your life, you are just by default, a better person.  And you feel, ultimately, that they embrace you!  You see

I only hope that Mamas, new and old, have the presence of such beings in their lives.  Today I had the honour of hosting my two-town Magical Mamas (my M & Ms).  They came to my Mess.  Their presence is just enough, but they had made me soup, brought bisquits, lovely children, held my Littlest of Babes and crocheted me a cowl.  They mean so much to me and are amazing.

So to the Magical Mamas in my life:  Sisters, M & Ms, Hayles, Terri, Tonya, Trish and distant Mama Kelli

Thank you for your acceptance and presence.

xoxox

The Mama

(image source)

BABE PHRASE OF THE MOMENT

"My favourite activity is napping."

-Eldest Babe

(image source)

WELLNESS JOURNEY: Thoughts on Turning 30 and Cleanse

For some it is a dreaded number.  Maybe it is because thirty is halfway between what is considered young adult of 20 and "I've arrived" forty.  Maybe it is because holding off on things like marriage, children, travelling becomes more prominently embedded as a societal failure at this age.  Maybe there is some comparison between other 30 year olds.  Whatever your maybe may be, I really don't have one.  I decided long ago to embrace every year as it comes.  I actually look forward to getting older.  With age comes experience and wisdom.  There also comes a greater understanding of yourself, or so I hope.
My body will change and I've accepted that.  No longer am I susceptible to photoshop entertainers and the magazines that feature them.  I find it laughable.

Now, don't get me wrong.  There are days when I may look at myself and wish for some changes.  My nose for a long time reminded me of something really painful and I wanted to change it surgically for years.  But then I affirmed that my nose is a part of my story and my character.  My hands are more creased than before, but the creases are from exposing them to dirt and nature, which I embrace now.  My hips are wider from birthing my babes.  This pregnancy I acquired some stretch marks on my hips and at first I regarded them as anything but beauty.  But then I noticed how they look almost like little flower stems, so fitting for what we decided to name our Littlest of Babes - Violet.

I look back on the past three decades of my life with many emotions.  There is a past that I still need to fully mentally explore (as I will with the upcoming Cleanse I plan to do).  I received dreadful phone calls over the past few days that forced me to go to that place.  There was a childhood that was lost, that I try each day to explore and re-examine childhood with my Babes.  My adulthood was full of new beginnings, true love and happiness but a questioning and lack of confidence because of said past.

Lately people in my life have been taking leaps of faith that have been oh-so-inspiring.  I too want to take those leaps of faith and pursue all the things that I have thought and vocalized.  If anything, 30 reminds me to "be the change you want to see" in the world.  

On Monday of next week I will begin my mental and physical cleanse (for those who may be worried - I will be eating lots!!!) and the issues I plan on exploring include:

DAY 1:  PAST
DAY 2:  FUTURE
DAY 3:  Friendships (Past, Present, Future, Effects)
DAY 4:  My Personal Identity
DAY 5:  My Relationships with the Babes
DAY 6:  My Relationship with the Papa
DAY 7:  PRESENT

I definitely am looking forward to exploring the mental aspects of myself that I have ignored for so long.  I am coupling the mental cleanse with a physical cleanse for I feel that sugar and fried foods may block thoughts and I need to revert back to a base for my body to rejuvenate.

xoxox

The Mama

(There are a few things that I feel should be established though at 30:  MY FAVE FOOD, MY BEAUTY REGIME, AN UNDERSTANDING OF HOW MY BODY FUNCTIONS, MY FAVE SEASON, MY FAVE THINGS, MY STYLE)

Our Hallowe'en, The Ushering in of a Second Anniversary

It is a day that holds a special place in my heart, because it is the day that I took the name of the Papa and the Babes and became his wife.  Our wedding, was awesome, in my opinion.  (Links to the wedding can be found here, here, and here).  We decided to have our wedding on this day for several reasons:

1. It is ultimately the best day of the year- the ushering in of the dead and colliding of worlds:  Samhain (sow-in) - the day marked the end of summer and the harvest and the beginning of the dark, cold winter, a time of year that was often associated with human death. Celts believed that on the night before the new year, the boundary between the worlds of the living and the dead became blurred. On the night of October 31 they celebrated Samhain, when it was believed that the ghosts of the dead returned to earth. In addition to causing trouble and damaging crops, Celts thought that the presence of the otherworldly spirits made it easier for the Druids, or Celtic priests, to make predictions about the future. For a people entirely dependent on the volatile natural world, these prophecies were an important source of comfort and direction during the long, dark winter.  (taken from the historychannel website).
2. We get to dress up and transform.
3. The Babes can celebrate and the day becomes about the fun.  It distracts from the commercialism of the anniversary.  No dinner date to be planned or waiting in the wings for a sparkly gift.  Just utter fun!!

This year we spent the month decorating the home with black paper bats, spider webs, dolls, pumpkins.  This Mama decided to stay home and be with the sleeping Littlest of Babes.  For a holiday that I absolutely love and adore, I absolutely DETEST trick or treating.  There is something about knocking on the door of a stranger and begging for something that will attack my immune system that I am just not into.  So, the Papa took the Mermaid Babes on the candy hunt.  

(NOTE:  we are vegan so to be clear:  Gnomes will collect the candy to insulate their homes for winter and leave a literary and vegan treat)

The Papa arrived home at 7 o'clock after being away since before the sun rose.  He was exhausted but ever so excited to take out his Babes.  We did not really see each other and he fell asleep.  Anniversary ended.  It was a bit defeating.  Although we had exchanged our handmade traditional gifts (COTTON for Second Year Anniversary - so we embroidered our own hankerchiefs from recycled fabric) the night before, I just yearned to tell my best friend and love of my life how much he meant to me, but he fell asleep before I had the chance.

We exchange these words everyday, but I associate (society associates?) so much meaning with the DAY, that I in turn felt the day pass without meaning. 

So today I try to look past the exhaustion and disconnection that we both feel.  We acknowledge the difficulty with a lengthy commute, tired eyes and adjustment to a life with three Babes.  We remember we love in each other.

To our today and future tomorrows

xoxox

The Mama

xoxox