WELLNESS JOURNEY: Cleanse Day 2 and Thinking of the Future

Before I begin this post I would just like to comment on the Past post.  I only realized after writing that I was going to a dark and vulnerable place that may shock or worry some about my well being.  I am totally fine.  The purpose of this documentation is to cleanse my soul.  Also, in no way do I feel victimized or play that role.  I live with honesty and integrity and would never want anyone to feel sorry for that which I have accepted as part of my journey and contributed to my strength.  So moving forward......

The Future

The physical cleanse is going well and seems to be working well for the Littlest of Babes as well.  It seems as though my feelings are mimicked in her body.  When I feel bunged up, so does she.  Yesterday I began the cleanse and it seemed she did as well.  She hadn't pooed (okay for those non-moms this may sound weird to talk about but us Mamas do) in literally 4 days.  And as I began the cleanse, so did she.  I spent over an hour in the night and today massaging her tummy and she expelled so much that had been stuck inside.

Mentally, I am moving forward putting the past behind and today I look to the future.  At a time in my life the future was all I thought about.  As a child, with little money and hoping for rescue, I would spend hours upon hours watching home improvement shows and circling furniture in the Sears catalogue for the future home of happiness I was to have.  Endless hours were spent in my mind designing the future which I desired:  mama, married, educated, house to call my own.  Unfortunately, concentrating on those dreams left me empty in the present and clawing away from my past.  It held me back from meaningful relationships because I didn't want to put energy into something I felt didn't fit in with the idea I constructed.

When I fell in love with the Papa and our future seemed very strong.  It was and is.  We dream about the same things.  In fact, we spent a lot of our time together dreaming of our lives.  Ask the G-units.  Our summer weekends at the cottage were spent biking down country roads and looking for interesting heritage properties to purchase.  We talked about opening a vegan diner specializing in Pancakes.  We talked about moving to the other side of the country to pursue a trade.  We were to be explorers.  Then the Eldest of Babes arrived...

And funnily, our dreams shifted slightly.  Distant moves were no longer a true option because we loved being around our family.  Change has never slighted us in the slightest (hehehe).  But we realized there was something about dreams that was perturbing and causing contention:  they weren't reality.

And funnily enough, the arrival of Babes puts the Future into an entirely different perspective:  You are responsible for moulding the futures of pure beings.

So when I sat with the Papa tonight, after those pure beings headed to bed, I asked him where the Future lay.  His response:

With me.

The dream of building our own home or living in a heritage one.  Me pursuing further education in several years.  Homeschooling our girls until giving them the choice to enter high school.  Living environmentally soundly.  Biking.  Travelling.  Creating Memories.

Simple.  Uncomplicated.  Lovely.

As for those Babes, each day images of there future pop into my head.  It is only once you become a Mama can you comprehend the worry of a parent, and understand how you could have worried your own.  You worry about you being the sole caregiver and teacher and that affect.  You wonder if they will find love in themselves and be unaffected by the hurt of others.  You wonder if they will succeed your failures and hope that they do.  But my Babes are truly amazing!  They are wiser than I, pure, good hearted, intelligent, individual beings.  Trust them! I whisper to myself.  And, more often than not, I do.  Trust them to explore their emotions, bodies and minds and that your guidance and their intuition and intelligence will lead them to happiness and wellness.  Trust them to have their own journey.

As for our Earth, our true Mama, our giver of life, light and warmth, I truly hope that you will find peace and we as citizens, act responsibly and speedily to mend your broken heart and shell.  I love you deeply and all your creatures.

So, tonight I will look forward to the future but not be held captive by it.  Sweet dreams.


The Mama

dream catcher

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