DO SOMETHING 2: GOLD NAILS

When I was a young girl and teenager, I was truly obsessed with my nails.  I loved having them long...Rihanna long. There are vivid memories of going to my aunt's house and her giving me a mani.  The filing, the care, the attention to detail and a moment for yourself.  

Remember the late 90s French tips?  The fad most of us loved?  Then Hard Candy became popular and I became obsessed too.  Colour.  Flecks of gold.  Designs.  Today there are adornments, shape trends and instagram feeds.

Now nail art is a fun art form but obviously I have little time to sit or even book an appointment to have someone fuss over me.  But I can head to Target and pick up a polish that exudes glitter and gold and makes me feel like I'm a goddess for a few moments until it starts to peel and the reality of getting my hands dirty on the daily reminds me that these nails are happy grimy too.

Go out and get adorned!  Your fingers will thank you as they so daintily flip the pages of that 400 page novel you've settled into ("Uh Mama!  I need you?"....right, real life)

As a side note, I have yet to have a vegan polish that works well.  Do any of you have any suggestions or brands that you recommend?  Open to ideas.

 

Magical Mamas

When one becomes a Mama, there seems to be a nervousness.  Will I connect with other Mamas?  Are there Mamas who share the same views as I?  If a Mama clique exists, will I be welcomed?  For me all these questions existed.  At first I was very hesitant to engage with other Mamas.  I was young and, maybe paranoid, but I felt as though the older moms in the neighbourhood weren't open to me and passing judgments.  It was beneficial however, because the Eldest Babe and I developed a strong connection and a rhythm to our lives that was unaffected by others.  It was us against the world.

Soon we discovered we were expecting our Biggest Little / Littlest Big Babe and with her arrival and move to a new city, I desperately tried to make connections with other Mamas, to no avail.  To make matters difficult, there was a language and cultural barrier:  I didn't speak French and, at least in our neighbourhood, most of the parents sent their babes and toddlers to daycare, which meant no Stay at Home Mamas....until my first Magical Mama.

Maybe we were lone rangers, the English and Earthy Stay at Home Mama with nature and protection surrounding our hearts, but our eyes met bringing together our inner selves and we connected.  There was an understanding, a deep love and connection.  We spent our days laughing and frolicking in the Parks and just wanting to be each other.  Then, due to financial reasons and a change of careers, we left and parted ways.  She too, several months later, left our meeting place to follow her heart and dwell in the mountains and frolic with her fairy daughters (Hayles - I love you!).

For months after we moved I felt disjointed.  This was the first Magical Mama I encountered.  Could it be the only?  Months seemed to drag on in our small town.  I found myself going to playgroups, not necessarily for my Babes, but to find a connection.  Desperation overcame me.  I am naturally an inclusive person and smile and try to be positive with everyone.  And although most were pleasant with me, the majority were exclusive.  Grandiose efforts were not reciprocated.

But, as if by design, Magical Mamas, at a time when I felt the most disconnected from my life, arrived.  For those of you who have yet to be blessed by such wonder, let me describe:

selfless fairies who are strong in their convictions, permeate a beauty like no other, a beauty that they may even be blind too.  They hug with such love and are beings that your own children gravitate to and light up upon seeing.  You feel like just by being in their presence and having them in your life, you are just by default, a better person.  And you feel, ultimately, that they embrace you!  You see

I only hope that Mamas, new and old, have the presence of such beings in their lives.  Today I had the honour of hosting my two-town Magical Mamas (my M & Ms).  They came to my Mess.  Their presence is just enough, but they had made me soup, brought bisquits, lovely children, held my Littlest of Babes and crocheted me a cowl.  They mean so much to me and are amazing.

So to the Magical Mamas in my life:  Sisters, M & Ms, Hayles, Terri, Tonya, Trish and distant Mama Kelli

Thank you for your acceptance and presence.

xoxox

The Mama

(image source)

WELLNESS JOURNEY: Thoughts on Turning 30 and Cleanse

For some it is a dreaded number.  Maybe it is because thirty is halfway between what is considered young adult of 20 and "I've arrived" forty.  Maybe it is because holding off on things like marriage, children, travelling becomes more prominently embedded as a societal failure at this age.  Maybe there is some comparison between other 30 year olds.  Whatever your maybe may be, I really don't have one.  I decided long ago to embrace every year as it comes.  I actually look forward to getting older.  With age comes experience and wisdom.  There also comes a greater understanding of yourself, or so I hope.
My body will change and I've accepted that.  No longer am I susceptible to photoshop entertainers and the magazines that feature them.  I find it laughable.

Now, don't get me wrong.  There are days when I may look at myself and wish for some changes.  My nose for a long time reminded me of something really painful and I wanted to change it surgically for years.  But then I affirmed that my nose is a part of my story and my character.  My hands are more creased than before, but the creases are from exposing them to dirt and nature, which I embrace now.  My hips are wider from birthing my babes.  This pregnancy I acquired some stretch marks on my hips and at first I regarded them as anything but beauty.  But then I noticed how they look almost like little flower stems, so fitting for what we decided to name our Littlest of Babes - Violet.

I look back on the past three decades of my life with many emotions.  There is a past that I still need to fully mentally explore (as I will with the upcoming Cleanse I plan to do).  I received dreadful phone calls over the past few days that forced me to go to that place.  There was a childhood that was lost, that I try each day to explore and re-examine childhood with my Babes.  My adulthood was full of new beginnings, true love and happiness but a questioning and lack of confidence because of said past.

Lately people in my life have been taking leaps of faith that have been oh-so-inspiring.  I too want to take those leaps of faith and pursue all the things that I have thought and vocalized.  If anything, 30 reminds me to "be the change you want to see" in the world.  

On Monday of next week I will begin my mental and physical cleanse (for those who may be worried - I will be eating lots!!!) and the issues I plan on exploring include:

DAY 1:  PAST
DAY 2:  FUTURE
DAY 3:  Friendships (Past, Present, Future, Effects)
DAY 4:  My Personal Identity
DAY 5:  My Relationships with the Babes
DAY 6:  My Relationship with the Papa
DAY 7:  PRESENT

I definitely am looking forward to exploring the mental aspects of myself that I have ignored for so long.  I am coupling the mental cleanse with a physical cleanse for I feel that sugar and fried foods may block thoughts and I need to revert back to a base for my body to rejuvenate.

xoxox

The Mama

(There are a few things that I feel should be established though at 30:  MY FAVE FOOD, MY BEAUTY REGIME, AN UNDERSTANDING OF HOW MY BODY FUNCTIONS, MY FAVE SEASON, MY FAVE THINGS, MY STYLE)

29 before 30 list

{source}

Inspired by Elsie from a Beautiful Mess and her list this is what I would like to do this year...

1. have an art show

2. read 5 books from 101 list

3. sew a dress

4. do a pinup photo shoot

5. write a book

6. get another tattoo

7. spend a week somewhere outside of Ontario

8. have a garage sale

9. do a 1000 piece puzzle

10. teach Eldest Babe how to write her name

11. portraits of my family

12. silkscreen

13. grow herbs

14. write a song

15. dance like a hippie at a festival

16. start a 365 day project

17. have a cupcake party

18. practice reflexology

19. do portraits of the Walking Dead

20. make a photo album

21. visit Hayley

22. get sponsors

23. learn the stars

24. learn astrology

25. design a baby clothing line

26. meet Isa Chandra

27. go to Chicago

28. grow my hair long

29. SECRET ;)

FIRST YEAR OF HOMESCHOOLING

A week ago I lay with my Babe to put her to sleep for a night of dreams. Our eyes locked as I stroked her curly locks and she sucked her thumb. I asked her about September's prospect of going to school. She said that rather than go to school where the big kids would knock her around she wanted to stay with me forever. My heart broke and subsequently, I could not go to sleep. I spent all night with the Papa talking about how precious our little orchid is.

I must admit that I have had some selfish reservations about school. Firstly, Charlotte has never been alone with anyone besides me, the Mama, and her grandparents. Secondly, I have never been alone without Charlotte for a full 24 hours. We have spent everyday together since birth. For me to now just hand over to a room full of strangers who don't know every inch of her specialness seems very wrong to me. I know, I know! Some people are saying "just do it! She will adjust quickly. This will help socialize her. It will give you a break."

I have never been one to listen to other people with regards to my children. If I had, I would of ended up giving birth to her by cesarean in a hospital shoving formula into her for four months until I went back to work, as per my mother's suggestion. Since she was born I have always felt an overwhelming sensation to protect, bond, love, teach and nurture this being solely (with the help of The Papa, the G-units (grandpa and ma), and the Earth). Yes, the vision that I have for my daughter's future is a strong reflection of my ideals. I don't believe that she alone can change the world, but I believe her spirit could lead others to work towards that positive change. I want her to love the Earth, embrace knowledge, respect herself, never be bullied, value family, eat vegan food and live in a handmade world. I don't want her to fear the world or feel disempowered.

The school that we had decided to send her to after almost half-a-year's contemplation, practices the Montessori philosophy. And while I embrace a lot of their structured approaches, I do not embrace the barbaric and overbearing educator who was to be side-by-side with my daughter for her learning days. This particular educator fails to exude any warmth and I have been told on many occasions of her attempt to belittle the children, disengage from connectedness and insight fear.

At this point, we are not too keen on other school systems either. The prospect of sending a vegan shy orchid child to a full-day school in the Ontario public system is literally throwing her to the wolves. The Waldorf school most aligns with our views of the world and our love of European education.

Homeschooling, at least until the age of entering Grade 1 or the age at which she could attend Kingston's Waldorf school, is the plan. This ultimately means for me a great sacrifice but an even greater responsibility. In September I was going to embark on a 365 day challenge of incorporating Earth-Motherness into our family. The blog was going to chronicle the happenings. However, for the rest of the summer I have decided to spend my time scheduling, researching and compiling a curriculum for Charlotte that combines all things that would enrich her life and express our values.

Please keep a watch as we journey. And please if you have any links, ideas, resources, send them my way.

xoxo

The Mama

WE'RE BACK WITH A NEW DIRECTION...

For several months I have not written in this blog, my dear blog of my dears. I was struggling internally, not with demons, but with purpose. Our lives in the last year had become overwhelming. I no longer was using the computer as a tool but as a means to numb the bouts of boredom. I began to justify my evening use as a means of finding inspiration but who was I kidding. My already jumbled mind was becoming more jumbled. Held back by guilt of spending our student income on a multitude of crafts for the multiple ideas I had, I restrained from putting any of my ideas into motion, which in turn led to more jumbled ideas. The babes were doing so much but our camera was primarily being used for educational purposes. So, index finger in hand (pun intended), I clicked on the good ol' return button on my MAC to send out a message to the virtual world that the creator, CEO and mama would be taking a hiatus.

The hiatus was full of reflection and new directions (not the competitive band from GLEE but the life kind). I discovered the thoughts that truly occupied my mind: education, stimulation and creation in the lives of the babes; the ecology and nutrition of food; my role as mother in facilitating happiness; reducing our carbon footprint.

Hence, the new "The Mess in Messenger". The blog will be dedicated to my loves of course: The Babes. I plan on consistently posting to several sections:

* The Reading Rainbow:

This section will be an ongoing list of books for young ones that have opened our eyes as well as a list of The Mama's fave reads

* Flickr:

Of course! Pictures of The Babes! To capture those moments.

* Gratitude:

We will share each Friday our gratitude. This was an idea taken from Soulemama. Although I plan to implement gratitude into our daily lives, I thought it would be nice to share these moments with our fans.

* Amazing Things as of Recent:

Words, actions, amazingness of recent

* Lessons to my Girls:

My limited time here on earth has been full of lessons. I plan to share that which I have learned with my babes. My words are heartfelt, sincere and full of good intentions. I realize that each journey is full of mistakes and I hope that by sharing mine, as well as my triumphs, you flourish.

The blog, although I dedicate to the inspiration I find in little lives, will also be dedicated to The Mess. I strive, as most mothers do, to creating a world the most positive to our children. However, the mess (the jumbled thoughts, lack of time, desire for autonomy, baggage, and lack of know-how) gets in the way. I have decided to take the guidance of immersed, knowledgeable, crafty, earthy women and infuse their inspiration, words and practices into our lives to the point where I begin to become the Mama I desire to be.

I have decided to craft/create, reduce, reuse, refurbish, nourish, educate and liberate. I will document the process: 1) to better organize the jumble 2) to share the honest project and 3) to love.

Please enjoy, love, learn!

xo and Love to All,

The Mama

MOMMY AND THE BABES