The Mess in Messenger: 29 of "29 before 30"

A little after my birthday I constructed a list of the 29 things I would like to do before I turn 30. The list can be found here. So far I have completed only two. I got a new tattoo, representative of my Eldest Babe. And second....THE SECRET!!!

This final item on my list was labeled the "secret" because it was a personal matter that we really weren't sure was going to come into existence. Although the idea was cemented in our mind and we were making efforts to bring it into existence, we abandoned said idea and left the happenings to the universe.

Well the universe responded and blessed us with "the secret" which now resides in my belly and has for 3 months now. Yes! We are expecting the Littlest of the Babes late September! The Mess is over the moon in excitement, anticipation and love. For me it was really hard to keep something secret from all those who have shown us so much support. But I had my reasons....

The Papa and I never had any difficulties conceiving. We were one of those extremely lucky couples who were blessed with babes on first tries. We always felt truly blessed as we heard and watched close ones embrace and manage the difficulty in trying for that babe. Hence, when we could not get pregnant immediately, we feared that maybe something was wrong. Maybe we could not conceive again. Maybe the Babes we were given were to be our only ones and how great is that REALITY! Amazing! So we thought "let's leave it to the universe".

We did. The thought of a third babe didn't vanish but subsided. Until that is, I was not feeling myself on the Littlest Babe's birthday. The Papa was out running a birthday errand. I decided to take a pregnancy test, which I secretly had stashed in my drawer. Instantly positive. A smile of disbelief, similarly to the first pregnancy test taken to confirm Eldest Babe's conception. It was to start all over again. Joy.

The Papa instantly felt the same when I passed on the news. We were to have another babe....or were we? This babe had taken long to conceive. Was I truly healthy? Was there a concern? I hesitated to reveal to anyone the news for fear of the worst.

My fears were accompanied by extreme all-day nausea, lack of appetite, cramping and motivation. I spent weeks lying in bed staring at a computer screen unable to read, craft, clean. I was overwhelmed by a desire to get rid of my social media (which ironically I didn't use to communicate). I contemplated ending the blog entirely. I deleted most of my facebook friends preferring to rather call them, email or say hi on the street.

But last week we had the first ultrasound and the week before that heard the heart beat. The Littlest of Babes looked amazing. My fears are subsiding and I now feel confident in revealing that yes...we are EXPECTING!!!!

I will continue to blog about this journey as it truly does make me happy.

Please look forward to upcoming posts about:

Pregnant Mama's Meat Cravings in the Vegan Household

Fears of Giving Birth

Baby Shower Planning

Belly Expansion

Natural Parenting

Staying Fit with Babe