DEAR BABES: THREE

Dearest Babe,

Three.  Three?  Three!  We have arrived at this amazing place.  It is a land where language is bursting, laughs are a plenty, independence is emerging, dancing is abundant, smiles plaster our faces.  There are pretend palaces, mama milking mimickery, spins in satin gowns, raids of mama's closet, races around corners to be scared, sugary lemon concoctions, overly lip glossed lips, bouncy baths, chocolate chip sneaks.

It is a wonderful world.  And you share it with me, mostly.  You see, this magical place has rules now.  Rules that are managed by those that are only three.

1. Mamas are not allowed to help.
2. Kisses and hugging is only to be deemed allowable if requested by said Three year old.
3. Jumping on the Mama at any time is allowable.
4.  Listening is by choice.
5.  The Papa becomes the thing immediately upon arrival.
6.  Size does not represent power.  Quite the opposite.
7.  Bedtime is negotiable.
8.  Dancing at dinner mandatory.
9.  Clothes at dinner optional.
10.  All above may change at any moment when said Three Year old decides it is okay.

Navigating the World of Three has been a challenge.  There are no maps.  My guide, shall I say, has her own itinerary.  But it is a world that I navigate daily because I love you and my responses shape you and our relationship.

You have grown into this amazing, silly girl.  There is never a dull moment.  I look into those big blues and just see an ocean of ideas, love, mischief and happiness.  It is the best.  Please keep being this amazing you.  The one that asks me to chase her for a scare. The one that gives kisses with her eyes open.  The one that dances like she means it.  The one that tilts her head and pushes out her hip for emphasis.  The one that tells me she loves me and "all you guys".

To being Three!

TIPS FOR GOING BLONDE

Recently, I decided to dye my hair blonde.  I have always dreamed of having long luscious silver locks.  The thought of being a seventy year old with long white hair delights me to the core.  Due to time and money constraints, I must admit that I am a box-job dyer.  I love the ease of going to the store and picking out a colour.  There are also those times when I get in a mama rut and the thought of changing up my look inspires me to make more positive changes in my life.  

With that being said, here is my little tutorial for going blonde at home from dyed dark brown.  Firstly, remember PATIENCE.  You will be removing colour from your hair.  In my case, I was removing all of the colour plus hoping to strip the natural colour as well.  This presents many problems if using a box bleach.  The hair is already damaged from colour dye.  Bleaching is very harsh.  The box dye also doesn't contain the bleach volume that is needed to whiten your hair in one go.  This essentially means you must strip the hair several times before achieving the look you want.  My natural colour also has reddish and brown undertones.  Achieving a silver, white look is nearly impossible (or so I've been told).

Knowing all these things...let's begin

Choose your hair bleach.  It has been suggested to me that you use the same brand.  This could be because the formulas they use to produce the product is created and tested in the same lab.  I chose Feria by L'Oreal (Note:  this is not a vegan product by any means.  There may be vegan bleaches, I just don't know of any.  So please, if you do know some, pass along the names.)

Prep your hair.  Do not wash your hair for a week or longer.  This is not a problem for me as I rarely add soap to my hair.  I'm a non-pooer really.  Allow the oils in your hair to naturally produce themselves.  Some friends have suggested melting coconut oil, allowing it to cool and then placing it on the hair, generously.  I skipped this step.

Leave your roots last.  I cannot emphasize this enough.  When I did my first bleach, I didn't read the box and did all of my hair.  It left me looking like a skunk.  The roots were bleach white and the rest of my hair an orange.  I had to wear a hat for 3 weeks.  

Saturate the hair with bleach.  I started from my roots down.  The tips are split and damaged from wear and dyeing.  Once saturated leave on for a generous amount of time.  Check OFTEN!  I looked every 5 minutes. Do not leave on longer than 40 minutes.  This is a process and you will do it again.  You will not get the desired result immediately so please do not fry your hair and end up with no hair.  YIKES!!!

Once at the desired lightness, WASH EVERYTHING OUT IMMEDIATELY AND THOROUGHLY.  After one of my bleaching treatments I woke up to find myself at three in the morning with the most dry, dead hair.  I forgot to get it all.  I raced downstairs to the sink and just worked at it until it was gone.

Condition and Toner.  A must!  Don't skip.

Wait 4-8 weeks between treatments, cutting the ends each time.  This entire process took me over two months.  In between bleaches I did not wash my hair at all, avoided heat and conditioned with a macadamia nut oil.  Coconut oil is the best!!!

And voila!!!

Stay tuned for my next hair post about adding vibrant colour!  If you want it you must achieve this look first or even blonder!  Hope it helped and please if you have any tips or vegan sources, I'm all ears.  Comment below.

THOUGHTS ON BEING A MAMA

 

I am blessed.  I am called "mama" by three wonderful babes.  Hearing that word is magical.  To three little babes, I have become the person that they look to for protection, love, guidance, answers, navigation.  Each morning, they somehow all end up in our bed.  Tiny feet tickled my pits and legs are splayed across mine.  But it doesn't bother me.  I get to wake up beside those little beings who have been forming dreams all night and are waiting to burst into a new day full of curiosity that only a child can have.

Becoming a mama for me was a strange mix of emotions.  I was lucky enough to decide with that one person who I wanted to be in my life forever, that we wanted to both hold each other's hands and take the leap into the unknown.  It was with love and confidence that we entered into the agreement that regardless we will care and love a being that we had yet to meet. 

Our decision, full of love and happiness, was also fraught with confusion on how to bestow love when for much of my life I felt unloved by my very own mother.  Looking back and through my own personal journey I have finally come to the conclusion that I was deserving of love, but while trying to frame my own idea of what a mother was, I many times came up short.  I was full of fear.  

But sometimes you have to push down that fear, listen to your heart and carry with confidence your determination.  You must surround yourself with those who are amazing.  You must also realize that becoming a mother is a journey, an individual journey.  Each and every woman before jumping into the greatest challenge had a life, soul and journey which shaped who she is as a mother.  

There are those like me, who never had an example of nurturing to draw from.  But even when you are denied love it is absolutely possible to innately create that from your heart.  Each day I just look at my babes with an intensity at how miraculous and perfect they are and I can't do anything but gush and nurture their little spirits.  Watching them grow and seeing them become confident, happy, free spirits with strong voices, sweetness, empathy and love, is rewarding and a reminder that, I am capable of loving and nurturing.  

There are those who enter into this with every confidence and I appreciate that you exist in our lives and that your children are in yours.  Let us honour each and every mother who pours their heart and soul into loving and teaching their child and remember that our choices, manners in which we proceed and lifestyles, are irrelevant as long as that child feels love in abundance and happiness in themselves and their heart.

{a book about me} mama e-lab

For several months now, I have been feeling overwhelmed, slightly lost.  As a Mama totally absorbed and immersed by mama-ness, nursing, schooling, babes, home, very little I feel is left for me to be introspective.  Nurturing my soul and mind has gone to the back burner.  And for a woman who prides herself on self-discovery and lifelong learning and connectedness, it sucks!

Hence, MAMA SCOUT!!  I discovered this amazingness of Mamaness through my Apothecary Circle (what can I say, great mamas think alike!).  She introduced me to her blog and I am amazed.  Her ideals and living seem to be inline with mine:  raising her 3 babes through open-ended, passionate play guided by her love and presence.  I should also mention that she has designed a line of Mama Scout badges to honour that which the Mama more often than not is never acknowledged for:  pregnancy, breastfeeding, surviving a tantrum, grocery trips with kids, sleeping, reading, diapering.

Starting April 1st, she will be starting a 30 day {a book about me} mama e-lab with daily e-mails, journal prompts, creative projects and unbridled support to help you tell your story.  I suggest it for any mama, searching for that which has been lost, guided by a mama who strongly supports the Mamaness of us all.

Go here to register your seat in the e-lab today!

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{a book about me} mama e-lab

Through list making, memory mining, visual map making and attentive looking, we will clear the path back to who we are, noticing how we have changed and plotting who we want to be. 

Who is this is for?

This lab is primarily for mamas who have given so much to their children and families that they have lost a bit of themselves along the way. A virtual room of your own, but in the form of a self-ethnographic book/journal.

I was inspired to do this project when I did something similar with my children this fall. Over the weeks that I helped them compile books all about themselves (with lists of favorites, recording of life stories, timelines, maps and charts and more), I kept thinking of how the format could be an amazing space for self growth and exploration for women. So, I took notes, adapted and added adult themes to the project and this lab was born.

By recording the details of our lives, both big and small, through word and image, we recover our lost selves and reconstruct stronger versions of the women we want to be. 

You might be looking for the forgotten you, the submerged self, a younger or different you than who you confront in the mirror each morning. This course is to help you uncover her, find her and also redefine her. Because chances are, she has been deep in the muck so long, she might have evolved into something a little different. 

How does this work? 

Each day, for 30 days you will receive an email lab from me. Each lab contains a short essay, a meaty journal prompt, a creative invitation and additional resources to 
help you on your journey.

I will not lie, it is a lot. So much, that you would be hard pressed to complete every aspect of the lab each day. You should be able to read the lab, do the writing and plan a day (soon) when you can do the creative project (they are not terribly difficult or time consuming, but can become absorbing). We will also have a secret Facebook group where I will be at daily and you are invited to participate in. The creative projects are for the most part simple and inexpensive, yet novel and meant to disrupt your (and my) default thinking. I hope they will inspire you to look deeper, think weirder, and explore your life in a creative way. If you took the family e-lab, the format is similar but the topics and projects are completely new and geared towards you. Of course, I am sure they will have a positive impact on your family but they are meant solely for you.As a full time, homeschooling mom, I have found online courses to be of great benefit to me. As a lifelong student, I am personally enriched and a much better parent when I am engaging my mind and creative spirit. My e-labs are the type of courses I had been searching for and could not find. So, I created them and learn next to the participants in each lab.

What supplies might I need? 

When the course is closer, you will recieve a welcome letter and a more detailed list of supply ideas. Basically, you will need a journal or notebook with paper, pencil or pen, camera and printing capabilities, an internet connection and generic art supplies. You should not really need to buy anything specific for this course.


AND at the end of the course - you will receive in the mail a merit badge! The merit badge is designed just for this course (it is different than the merit badge that the Family Lab participants receive) and is exactly like a scout merit badge but much cooler because it was made for YOU!